Since coming back into the single realm, I'm noticing there's been a drastic change from what I remember it to be. It's quite irritating and just plain weird. Perhaps it's the age group, or society, or whatever. I don't know. But it's weird.
Be forewarned now - I'm going to tell you how I really feel. If for some reason you find the following offensive, you probably need to get over it.
I was home from work the other day and did what I rarely do - I meandered around on facebook. I came across some blogs of people I know, some of which are single, so I took a peak. And then had to control my gag reflex. ( I really hope no one feels that way about my blog, but if you do, PLEASE tell me).
The common theme was "I'm doing okay, even though I'm single." Then there were phrases like "I didn't want to bring my family down because of my single situation," and my personal favorite "I'm staying active and busy while I wait for my opportunity." It's like saying "I'm doing okay, even though I'm battling this terrible illness right now and counting down the days until I'm cured." What is that?
When did being single turn into a disease? I see it in almost every single person I know.
First off, if you have to throw in the phrase "even though I'm single" every few sentences to try to convince yourself and others, clearly you are NOT doing well. It's kind of apparent and comes off as a bit desperate. Also, constantly bragging about how great you're doing being single is a dead give away that you are lying through your teeth. Just stop. You look ridiculous. If you are in the down phase where you hate being alone, admit it. Embrace it. Wallow in it. Then get over it and move on.
Why is it taboo to enjoy being single? Is that an unrealistic and impossible goal?
It's true that I've had a four year "reprieve" from being single. I know it gets lonely. It's hard when everyone in your family is married with babies - everyone around you is getting married or having babies and you're just getting older and spinster like with no one in your life. It's not only that you're not dating, there's no one to date and all you want is someone to adore you and be there for you. It's hard. Some days/ weeks/ months it just down right sucks. We've all been there before. It's miserable and those feelings shouldn't be discounted. No one wants to be alone. We all want that idealistic family that we've been taught to want.
If you are doing everything in your power, and still nothing is happening, it's time to let it go and enjoy life. Stop pining, whining, complaining, and obsessing about what you don't have. It makes you a repellent to everyone. There, I said it. We all know someone like this who we avoid as much as possible. Don't deny it.
I've always believed that if you can't find a peace and joy in being alone, you can never be in a successful, healthy relationship with anyone. An actual helpful quote I have embraced from Dr. Phil ( yes, truly Dr. Phil - probably the only good advise he's ever given) "You are the best advertiser of you. If you don't want to be alone with you, why would anyone else want to be alone with you?"
Even before my marriage, I really did enjoy being on my own. Some may scoff but it's true. There were times when the singleness was hard, but for the most part it was the most fun period of my life. I did things I'd always wanted to do - I traveled to places I always wanted to see- I made plans and goals for my life that didn't include the spouse and family. Of course if that chance came along I was willing to change those life plans, but since there was no one in the picture, I didn't include them. Besides, how do you plan a future with a spouse you've not met yet? Are you willing to miss out on amazing opportunities because you'd rather wait on the sidelines watching and hoping? That is a tragedy - a missed life.
There's nothing wrong with being alone. Why do single people act like it's this shameful thing or are embarrassed by it? But more importantly, why is it so wrong to enjoy it? Just because you find happiness in it doesn't make you against marriage. And just because you get married doesn't mean you will be automatically happy forever.
In the meantime, for those of you who are single right now, enjoy it! Embrace it! Learn to love it!!! Take advantage of the amazing opportunities that come your way and stop focusing on what you don't have or how it's not the way you planned. Life NEVER goes the way you plan, so why act so surprised? Most importantly, STOP ACTING LIKE IT'S A DISEASE. Play, have fun, become the person you've always wanted to be and take chances on the career you dream about but are too scared to shoot for. Make friends and have story book adventures that make you a better, interesting, well rounded person that people want to be around instead of run from. Stop wasting your life on something that may or may not happen. One day you will wake up and regret all that wasted time on wallowing in things you can't control. Life is too short and unpredictable to waste. Choose happiness, and enjoy the ride.
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